Protective Killer instinct

So I woke up at 3am with the house alarm going off.. Then I heard my dad shouting "the bastard is jumping over the wall" then the phone rang, it was ADT.. My mom was shouting there's an intruder!!

My dogs were going crazy.. Except for patch, who was sitting practically on top of me totally stiff.

As I sprained my ankle the day before I hobbled out of my room into the lounge. To find my mom smoking anxiously in the kitchen with a pale face, then my dad came back inside holding a panga.

Then ADT came. They were so fast with their response. Wow! Big ups to them!

What happened was the dude had jumped my neighbour’s wall into our front yard...My dad had forgotten to lock the side door to the garage... When the guy opened it, it set off the alarm.

My dad heard this and jumped up went to the window and saw him run and jump over the front wall...

Thanks dad! All those days sleeping out in the bundos paid off, listening out for lions. My dad had heard the guy open the gate but thought it was the wind.

Funny sight was my dad, still half pissed running outside in his boxers with a huge panga…

Was also amazing to see my dad’s protective killer instinct kick in…

Go dad!

Relationshit.. needs no definition

Barbie and Ken, Bill and Hillary, Brad and Angelina.. All couples.. Whether they are just dating, married, engaged or bound together by history they are all in a relationship.

There are many types of relationships. Long-distance, long-term, casual, serious, open relationship, everlasting. In the end the most important thing about a relationship is whether it is a happy relationship or a sad/bad relationship.

Sure every relationship has their problems, their ups and downs. But when does one decide to call it quits?

Do we need an excuse, a reason or an incident?

Do you weigh up the good times vs. the bad times? What keeps us in a relationship?

I think its denial… people don’t have the balls to admit that they are not in a happy relationship.

I thought of a new word the other day and I think it sums it up pretty well…

If you are stuck in a relationship and you can’t decide what to do, how to do it, or if you just are a plain idiot and can’t be brave and assertive for once.

Ask yourself.. Am I in a relationship or in a relationshit? Yes relationshit…

I don’t think this new word of mine needs a definition…

If its shit.. Get out. Life is far too short and fabulous to be having a shit time. The party’s started and you’ve missed round one of free drinks!

SCOLLYWOOD

Movies have been around since TV came into the world. A history teacher once told me that all movies are based on a story from history. Whether it be five months ago or fife hundred years ago. All movies are stories which happened. (Except fictional fantasy ones with dragons, unicorns and flying sharks) But you get the point.

Being a South African, I was so chuffed to hear that we are making movies and are starting to shine in the industry of Hollywood. To know that the big fish out there know where South Africa is and they know our history and they are making movies about Hansie, Apartheid, and Mandela. Yey! But those movies are made by American director and producers. Just the storyline is South African.

I was so disappointed when I watched my first homegrown movie. Then the next one. Then the next one. They are all based around South African gangsterism.
Always with the drugs, money, prostitution, the good gang member that gets killed, the evil club owner and the street kids.

Sure it’s great that these issues are being exposed but would it really hurt South African film makers to do a romantic film where it doesn’t involve colour issues, drugs and sex?

The Indians do it and look how successful Bollywood is. They do musicals and culture based movies. The nice part of their culture.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to do a little Oprah or Carte Blanche and expose the terrible truths about society but for goodness sake, do something different.
We are supposed to be hosting the 2010 World cup. If FIFA sees any of our homegrown movies and only sees gangsterism and racism there aint no chance in hell any soccer stars are coming here.

Our movies are putting out a negative impression of gangster land South Africa. Our beauty should extend the travel channel and onto the movie channel. Hollywood and Bollywood are exceeding us at a fast pace.
I can just see the foot of Table Mountain right now, with those famous letters in bold white, welcome to SCOLLYWOOD.

Happiness is only a pill away

At some point in every person’s life, they feel down. I don’t think there is a single person out there who has always been happy all of the time. If there is, and you are reading this. Please give me whatever you are on.

I read in the media some time ago, that Tom Cruise slammed Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants after the gave birth and suffered from the baby blues- post-natal depression.

Who does Tom think he is? He has no estrogen, or FSH or any other female hormones. How can he understand the baby blues and condemn mothers for using happy pills?

Brooke Shields took anti depressants. Other people drink to take their problems away. Other people use drugs, have promiscuous sex or they go sky diving or end their own lives. Everyone deals with depression in a different way. Depression being, manic, bipolar, chronic or just PMS. Depression is depression no matter what word quacks put in front of it.

The problem in “curing” or “aiding” your own depression is to ensure that you self sooth for only a short time and not turn the remainder of your life into a pity party and focus only on feeling better.

But for the short period of self soothing, self medicating. I fully support it.
If people went to doctors for everything, they would be poor, doctors would be rich and we would be weak people. I’m not saying don’t go to a doctor, all I’m saying is try help yourself first. You can discover your own strengths and weaknesses while doing this.

If you do decide to go the medical way and not the self destructive route. Or the unconventional medicinal way. Don’t be ashamed of it. Speak openly to your doctor and he or she will give you a little something to put your mind at ease.

Its perfectly normal for human beings to feel down. Even animals feel down. Elephants are highly emotional creatures. Dogs and dolphins are sensitive. Heck you know a dolphin has feelings when they are the only animals that pomp for pleasure.
Wolves howl and cry when a pack member dies. Vultures and most bird species are loyal to only one mate for their entire lives. If their mate dies, they are down.

Everyone has feelings and we can all have smiley faces all the time. Unless you have had botox and you have a permanent smile. If not, take a happy pill and smile away your problems.

Happiness is only a pill away.

Things guys know we do but won’t admit we do it, when it comes to beauty and ladylike behavior.

We wax/shave the hair on our big toes.
We have to show the beautician (waxing lady) our lady bits so she can wax it.
When we wax our under arms, bikini line, VJJ, it bleeds.
We have moustaches which we remove.
We sit with gum guards on filled with teeth whitener.
We squeeze our pimples and black heads, and if given the time we try find every black head possible.
After we have shaved, if in the bath, the bath has a dark ring around it full of tiny bits of dark hair.
We do pick our noses.
We do fart
We sometimes pee if we laugh too hard.
We can burp loudly.
Our hair can get really greasy and smelly if we don’t wash it.
One day well have hairs on our chins.
We look at the tissue when we use it. (everyone does that)
We probably wont do all these things in front of you.

Porn to be wild??

I recently read an article in a certain women’s magazine. I won’t mention it, but if you know me, you will know that it’s a magazine which I like to read but would never work for, as I feel it has no substance, formalness, thought-inducing or emotion driving journalism. Never the less, it’s a magazine which I happen to come across at home.

I was so surprised when I found an article which I could relate to. As I read it I thought, wow, they really are growing up and catering for a woman with a brain. YEY!! I felt that this article was for me. I was so happy to have found a piece of reading material which tugged at my heart strings.

A few pages later, all my dreams were shattered and my heart was broken again. Probably due to the editorial authority of the publication in question.
As soon as I started enjoying the article, another typical article popped up and went back to giving that magazine its old typical vibe.

The article was about sex, where women wrote in to comment about their experiences and what they did in order to cause some arousal with their partners.
One thing that struck me was that many of these women would use porn stars as inspirations. They all felt that, if they did this, and did that, they felt sexy “like a porn star”

Reading this, conjured up some of my thoughts. Women look down on sex workers, strippers and basically any living female whom resembles a higher level of beauty and sexuality than them. (Yes ladies we all do) (Have you ever met a straight woman who feels comfortable standing next to a sexual goddess?)

Anyway, so we look down on those overly sexual women. We moan or get in a tizz when our partners watch porn, or if they comment on how hot Jessica Alba looks. But yet when in the sack, we try to perform like porn stars, and we only feel sexy when we are behaving like a porn star.

I doubt that while a porn star is doing her thing, she is really enjoying it, and feeling loved and having the best emotional intimate connection of her life. Call is cliché, but I tend to think that sex workers are in it for the money? (Excuse the pun) Maybe they enjoy the attention, but at the end of the day, she still has to sleep with men, she doesn’t know, doesn’t love and he won’t call her in the morning for a second date.

Yes but it’s her job. Is probably what you’re saying. Yes it’s her job. To perform like sex is what she lives, breathes and sleeps. She does this so that your partner can get off by himself, those lonely nights when you have a headache or when the reconstruction or your uterus lining is taking place.

Sure the likes of Jenna or Brianna have made them mega stars but that’s only two. I suppose the thought of you being a mega star in your partner’s memory as the best porn style performance is an achievement in the mind of some.

Sure people use porn as ideas and inspiration of sorts. But I find it so ironic that we look down on sluts. Yet in the bedroom we behave like sluts. Perhaps it’s a new thing to be a bedroom slut but a lady outside of the bedroom. That probably what every man wants. If so, and if women are going to conform to this then maybe society should wake up and delete those derogatory names which women are called.

Perhaps publications should pay attention to what they are putting out there. Adults are just big children. You give them ideas and they will do. Give kid’s dolls that have huge puffy lips, thin waists and wear high heels and your 7 year old will want to dress the same. Give adults some movies, some lace, maybe a rope and guess what you will get.

Yes but they are adults. They know what they are doing. Do they? Do adults not think for themselves? Instead of our reading materials teaching us how to recycle and save water. How to help save the pandas and how to sort out real life issues, they teach us how to be a porn star and how to have great sex. Having great sex isn’t the answer to anyone’s problems.

After your grand performance, you will still have debt. That man could still leave you. Your boss still won’t like you. Your car still won’t have petrol and that rash will still be there.

I just think that in life there are far more important things than feeling, acting and behaving like a porn star. Show your true colours in bed and express what you really feel, how you feel it.

Delete or Keep

Mxit, Facebook, MySpace, Bing, Gmail, Yahoo, MSN. The list goes on. There are so many ways of communicating in today’s world. One thing which is constant with all these modes of communication is that anyone that you communicate with is categorized at either a friend or as a contact- symbolizing that you are friends.

Look at your keyboard. Look to the right. Look at the key number 7, just under the Number lock key. Look three keys left. It should say delete. This is apparently the new F word when it comes to communication.

If someone annoys you or offends you, or if they have you as a friend or contact and they don’t talk to you, you can delete them. Yes Delete. They won’t even go into your recycle bin, they will just be gone forever.

People tend to be really offended by this. People, who are deleted, should stop and think. Why have I been deleted? Instead of getting on their high horse, they should think. “Wow I must have really annoyed this person, that they deleted me”

Take facebook for example, you have +- 500 friends and one person deletes you. You get all upset and hurt over that one person.
Like mxit for example. You have +- 50 contacts. You can’t possibly keep up will all 50 of them. So you tend to chat to only a select few. You delete the one who never talks to you. And one random day, that person decides to add you again and surprise, surprise, they question you till their teeth fall out as to why you deleted them.

It’s not like you’re best friends. But that person will milk you for all you have because you were insensitive and DELETED them. There are worse things that you could have done. You could have blocked them! Wow!! Never block someone. To them it’s like you’ve sent them into exile, along with the other mutes and perverted weirdo’s you blocked.

Is deleting the new way of telling people to bugger off out of your life? In a real life social situation, could you say “delete” to that annoying person at the bar, shop, gym? If you argue with a friend or boyfriend, can you look at them in the eye and say “delete”.

In the past, before all this digital communication, you told people off with your body language and with the tone of your voice or you spelt it out for them. Perhaps people are too used to be let off softly. In subtle ways. With new age communication, we just say yes or no. accept or decline, delete or keep. People are getting straight answers, no nonsense replies and the truth handed them on a gold plate. But no matter how tough they are, no matter how shiny their grills are they can’t handle the hard friend-rejecting truth.

I understand that no one likes to be rejected. But you can’t be expected to like everybody and you can’t expect everybody to like you. I think a communication service where you have all your rejected friends is in order. You could call it notfriends.com. Perhaps they will feel more accepted then. Imagine it, “you deleted me from friends.com” “Yes but I added and accepted you on notfriends.com” “oh okay, phew I almost thought we weren’t friends” (hugs)

How pathetic are we all that we can’t realize that it’s just a website, or it’s just a messaging service and that there is probably a reason for your dismissal.