SCOLLYWOOD

Movies have been around since TV came into the world. A history teacher once told me that all movies are based on a story from history. Whether it be five months ago or fife hundred years ago. All movies are stories which happened. (Except fictional fantasy ones with dragons, unicorns and flying sharks) But you get the point.

Being a South African, I was so chuffed to hear that we are making movies and are starting to shine in the industry of Hollywood. To know that the big fish out there know where South Africa is and they know our history and they are making movies about Hansie, Apartheid, and Mandela. Yey! But those movies are made by American director and producers. Just the storyline is South African.

I was so disappointed when I watched my first homegrown movie. Then the next one. Then the next one. They are all based around South African gangsterism.
Always with the drugs, money, prostitution, the good gang member that gets killed, the evil club owner and the street kids.

Sure it’s great that these issues are being exposed but would it really hurt South African film makers to do a romantic film where it doesn’t involve colour issues, drugs and sex?

The Indians do it and look how successful Bollywood is. They do musicals and culture based movies. The nice part of their culture.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to do a little Oprah or Carte Blanche and expose the terrible truths about society but for goodness sake, do something different.
We are supposed to be hosting the 2010 World cup. If FIFA sees any of our homegrown movies and only sees gangsterism and racism there aint no chance in hell any soccer stars are coming here.

Our movies are putting out a negative impression of gangster land South Africa. Our beauty should extend the travel channel and onto the movie channel. Hollywood and Bollywood are exceeding us at a fast pace.
I can just see the foot of Table Mountain right now, with those famous letters in bold white, welcome to SCOLLYWOOD.

Happiness is only a pill away

At some point in every person’s life, they feel down. I don’t think there is a single person out there who has always been happy all of the time. If there is, and you are reading this. Please give me whatever you are on.

I read in the media some time ago, that Tom Cruise slammed Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants after the gave birth and suffered from the baby blues- post-natal depression.

Who does Tom think he is? He has no estrogen, or FSH or any other female hormones. How can he understand the baby blues and condemn mothers for using happy pills?

Brooke Shields took anti depressants. Other people drink to take their problems away. Other people use drugs, have promiscuous sex or they go sky diving or end their own lives. Everyone deals with depression in a different way. Depression being, manic, bipolar, chronic or just PMS. Depression is depression no matter what word quacks put in front of it.

The problem in “curing” or “aiding” your own depression is to ensure that you self sooth for only a short time and not turn the remainder of your life into a pity party and focus only on feeling better.

But for the short period of self soothing, self medicating. I fully support it.
If people went to doctors for everything, they would be poor, doctors would be rich and we would be weak people. I’m not saying don’t go to a doctor, all I’m saying is try help yourself first. You can discover your own strengths and weaknesses while doing this.

If you do decide to go the medical way and not the self destructive route. Or the unconventional medicinal way. Don’t be ashamed of it. Speak openly to your doctor and he or she will give you a little something to put your mind at ease.

Its perfectly normal for human beings to feel down. Even animals feel down. Elephants are highly emotional creatures. Dogs and dolphins are sensitive. Heck you know a dolphin has feelings when they are the only animals that pomp for pleasure.
Wolves howl and cry when a pack member dies. Vultures and most bird species are loyal to only one mate for their entire lives. If their mate dies, they are down.

Everyone has feelings and we can all have smiley faces all the time. Unless you have had botox and you have a permanent smile. If not, take a happy pill and smile away your problems.

Happiness is only a pill away.

Things guys know we do but won’t admit we do it, when it comes to beauty and ladylike behavior.

We wax/shave the hair on our big toes.
We have to show the beautician (waxing lady) our lady bits so she can wax it.
When we wax our under arms, bikini line, VJJ, it bleeds.
We have moustaches which we remove.
We sit with gum guards on filled with teeth whitener.
We squeeze our pimples and black heads, and if given the time we try find every black head possible.
After we have shaved, if in the bath, the bath has a dark ring around it full of tiny bits of dark hair.
We do pick our noses.
We do fart
We sometimes pee if we laugh too hard.
We can burp loudly.
Our hair can get really greasy and smelly if we don’t wash it.
One day well have hairs on our chins.
We look at the tissue when we use it. (everyone does that)
We probably wont do all these things in front of you.

Porn to be wild??

I recently read an article in a certain women’s magazine. I won’t mention it, but if you know me, you will know that it’s a magazine which I like to read but would never work for, as I feel it has no substance, formalness, thought-inducing or emotion driving journalism. Never the less, it’s a magazine which I happen to come across at home.

I was so surprised when I found an article which I could relate to. As I read it I thought, wow, they really are growing up and catering for a woman with a brain. YEY!! I felt that this article was for me. I was so happy to have found a piece of reading material which tugged at my heart strings.

A few pages later, all my dreams were shattered and my heart was broken again. Probably due to the editorial authority of the publication in question.
As soon as I started enjoying the article, another typical article popped up and went back to giving that magazine its old typical vibe.

The article was about sex, where women wrote in to comment about their experiences and what they did in order to cause some arousal with their partners.
One thing that struck me was that many of these women would use porn stars as inspirations. They all felt that, if they did this, and did that, they felt sexy “like a porn star”

Reading this, conjured up some of my thoughts. Women look down on sex workers, strippers and basically any living female whom resembles a higher level of beauty and sexuality than them. (Yes ladies we all do) (Have you ever met a straight woman who feels comfortable standing next to a sexual goddess?)

Anyway, so we look down on those overly sexual women. We moan or get in a tizz when our partners watch porn, or if they comment on how hot Jessica Alba looks. But yet when in the sack, we try to perform like porn stars, and we only feel sexy when we are behaving like a porn star.

I doubt that while a porn star is doing her thing, she is really enjoying it, and feeling loved and having the best emotional intimate connection of her life. Call is cliché, but I tend to think that sex workers are in it for the money? (Excuse the pun) Maybe they enjoy the attention, but at the end of the day, she still has to sleep with men, she doesn’t know, doesn’t love and he won’t call her in the morning for a second date.

Yes but it’s her job. Is probably what you’re saying. Yes it’s her job. To perform like sex is what she lives, breathes and sleeps. She does this so that your partner can get off by himself, those lonely nights when you have a headache or when the reconstruction or your uterus lining is taking place.

Sure the likes of Jenna or Brianna have made them mega stars but that’s only two. I suppose the thought of you being a mega star in your partner’s memory as the best porn style performance is an achievement in the mind of some.

Sure people use porn as ideas and inspiration of sorts. But I find it so ironic that we look down on sluts. Yet in the bedroom we behave like sluts. Perhaps it’s a new thing to be a bedroom slut but a lady outside of the bedroom. That probably what every man wants. If so, and if women are going to conform to this then maybe society should wake up and delete those derogatory names which women are called.

Perhaps publications should pay attention to what they are putting out there. Adults are just big children. You give them ideas and they will do. Give kid’s dolls that have huge puffy lips, thin waists and wear high heels and your 7 year old will want to dress the same. Give adults some movies, some lace, maybe a rope and guess what you will get.

Yes but they are adults. They know what they are doing. Do they? Do adults not think for themselves? Instead of our reading materials teaching us how to recycle and save water. How to help save the pandas and how to sort out real life issues, they teach us how to be a porn star and how to have great sex. Having great sex isn’t the answer to anyone’s problems.

After your grand performance, you will still have debt. That man could still leave you. Your boss still won’t like you. Your car still won’t have petrol and that rash will still be there.

I just think that in life there are far more important things than feeling, acting and behaving like a porn star. Show your true colours in bed and express what you really feel, how you feel it.