If you happy and you know it, shut the f*ck up!

Have you ever woken up one day and no matter how hard you tried? No matter what you did, you just couldn’t get out of bed. And the thought of getting out of bed just makes things worse.

Have you ever felt that the world was just too much and that life is pointless anyway, because you are really just the average person and you will never do anything significant in your life?

Have you ever just wish you hadn’t woken up?

I have.

The world just looks grey. A grey sky that lasts forever. Grey that burns your eyes and makes your heart feel as thought it’s filled with cement instead of blood.
Every breath you take feels like a big sigh and no matter how much air you try to fit into your lungs, they still never fill up completely.

Crying seems pointless. You cry and cry until your eyes burn and your eye sockets throb with pain. You cry so much that it’s not comforting anymore. It’s not that soothing, “everything will be okay” cry. It’s just an empty cry because all hope of a blue sky has disappeared.

Generally you are a positive person. But the positive pump in your brain has broken, and all positive thoughts have stopped being pumped into your brain, because after being so positive, nothing positive really happens. And all you feel is negativity.
Some people think that negativity is an attitude. But when you are so down, you can actually feel negativity. Negativity’s energy is so strong, its borderline dangerous.
It’s stronger than positive energy because it’s just easier to be negative and cynical.

Even your body doesn’t feel the same. You can feel that you are alive but you have a slight numbness to your body. Your body is numb to happiness and positivity. You are totally aware and can feel the sadness. But somewhere along the line, your body decided to increase your sad feelings. It’s like the negativity and sadness has moved from your mind to your body. God only knows how long it will take until it reaches your soul.

You think about that and then even question whether you have a soul. And if you do, what would it look like. Imagine your aura. What colour it would be right now. It probably wouldn’t even have a colour.

You find the dark crevice of your room the most comforting place. After all its where the monster inside you has developed. In your dreams, while you sleep and even while you think. This dark evil and destructive monster you call your mind. The one that controls rational thinking, loving, hating, logical thinking, thoughts, decisions, ideas, happiness and sadness.

The mind is a powerful thing. It can drive you to the edge of reason. It needs to be controlled and disciplined. I guess that’s why it’s kept in a hard shell called the skull. So that we cannot discipline it or hurt it when it hurts us.

Having a grey cloud hovering above you. Seeing only negative things. Remaining in the dark. Never moving toward the light.

It’s sometimes easier to just stay there. Other times someone or something pulls you out of it.

My hands are out; palms open wide, waiting for your grip to pull me out.